What’s your story?

“What’s your story?” she asks me as we sit down to coffee during a break at a conference. I’m not sure I really remember who she was, or where she worked, or even why she was there, but I do remember that question.

A question not many people ask. A question I found it difficult to answer. As I sat and stared at her a million different questions ran through my head. Questions about what she meant by “story”, about what she wanted from me, about what stories I could tell that would intrigue, fascinate, or impress.

I seriously cannot remember what I said, but I do remember feeling really foolish as I sat there staring at here without very much to say, and it got me thinking.

What IS my story?

“Successful leadership depends on the stories we tell and the stories we live and how well they speak to the needs of our time.” – Geoff Mead, Telling the Story

See, successful leadership (ie. making a positive difference in the world) depends on more than just what we say. If even depends on more than what we do, and whether what we say aligns with what we do. Making a positive difference in the world relies on how what we say and do impacts the world around us.

In other words, my story isn’t just about me.

Your story isn’t just about you.

This is a very useful corrective to the navel gazing tendency of personal development and coaching. Yes, it is important to think about what drives you, what your interests, skills, and abilities are. Yes, it is vital to have a realistic look at the stories you tell, and the stories you live and ensure that they match.

But it is also crucial to compare those stories to the needs of the world.

So, what’s your story? What need(s) is it addressing?

You have to start with something, so why not start with anything.

There are few things more terrifying than a blank page. There are so many possibilities. So many ways to start. So many things that could be said. How could you possibly pick?

The same could be said about designing a deck, or picking a name for a child, or a colour for your room, or … .

Chosing can be extremely tough, especially when you are working with someone else. I know you have all had the experience of standing with some friends after a movie or something when someone says, “So, where do you want to eat?”

That question is almost as terrifying as a blank page. Often since everyone wants to be seen as the supportive, no drama friend, no one makes an initial offer. We don’t want to impose our will on others, so we defer. “I don’t know, where do you want to go?”

I wouldn’t fault you for thinking the same thing could happen is everyone sticks with the rule, “Say, Yes! And…” While everyone waits for an offer so they can be supportive, very little gets done.

Here’s the thing. You have to start somewhere, so you may as well start anywhere. The novel doesn’t have to be fully completed. You don’t have to have an idea for a character. You don’t have to know what the preferences of everyone in your group is. Nor do you need to know exactly what shade or chartreuse would go best with your bedspread.

All you need to do is make one little choice.

The improv world has a little exercise that might help us develop the ability to make that small initial choice. This is an exercise which helps improv actors quickly create different characters. Now, developing a character can be a daunting task. It is really hard to come up with a fully formed character, and know how they walk, talk, and see the world. It is almost impossible to do that within 3 seconds as you enter into a scene. Yet, improv actors do it all the time. Naturally, they draw on experience (on practice) of being on stage previous times, but also exercises like this one:

Walk slowly around a room at a natural pace and gait.

Pick any body part (the first one that comes to mind), and lead with that body part. Imagine that you are walking up to a waterfall and want that part of your body to get wet first. This could be your pinky toe, or it could be your left elbow. It doesn’t really matter, and since there is no really proper way to lead with your left elbow you can do it however you want.

Then, exaggerate those movements a bit, and add anything else that feels natural. If someone actually walked like this, would they walk faster, or slower? What would their facial expressions be like? Would they speak with a drawl, or use fast, clipped, sentences? Finally, what might that person’s name be?

In no time at all, you have created a character. All it took was a single small decision.

So, maybe you are staring at a blank page in your life. Thinking about starting over, or wondering what to do for university, or trying to come up with the next big business disruption. Whatever it is you want to do, make a small choice in that direction, and then add to that choice.

You have to start with something, so why not start with anything?

Interesting things found last week.

Hey everyone, for your Monday Motivation I thought I would give a run down of some things I found interesting last week. Most of these were posted on twitter, so they will be repeats if you follow me there.

1. This was something I actually posted on Aug 9, but found that I thought quite a bit about it over the week. It is a short post from Seth Godin (someone who is a must to follow, by the way) where he notes that the relationship between price and satisfaction is not what we normally assume. We are NOT more satisfied with a lower price, we are more satisfied if we receive what we expected to receive. Generally, a lower price lowers our expectations. To create satisfaction, says Godin, all we need to do is make promises, and keep them. Then charge enough to keep this cycle going. “The thrill of a low price disappears quickly, but the pain of a broken promise lasts a very long time.”
2. Since this blog is about exposing the benefits of the techniques of Improv for our lives, this post from Elite Daily fits right in. Here Meredith Baker outlines 7 lessons learned from taking an Improv class. Many of these are outlined in my “Rules of Improv” series, but they are worth repeating.
   • NEVER SHOOT SOMEONE ELSE’S IDEA DOWN OR SAY “NO.”
   • COMMIT, COMMIT, COMMIT
   • LISTEN AND REACT, DON’T PLAN AND MONOLOGUE
   • DON’T ARGUE; ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY AND GET TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM IN THE RELATIONSHIP
   • PAY ATTENTION TO DETAIL
   • DON’T OBNOXIOUSLY CHEW GUM IN PUBLIC
   • IT’S ALL ABOUT EXPLORING AND UNDERSTANDING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS
3. It turns out Improv is good for work as well, as this article from Entrepreneur.com points out. Here Stephen Bronner explores how Improv has helped him be better at brain storming. Stephen explores the first rule of improv, “Say, ‘Yes, and…'” and how this helps us be more attentive, and accepting of the ideas of others. “We can choose to maintain the status quo and shoot down ideas, or we can listen intently and acknowledge the good aspects of even the most out-there proposals. We can choose to be positive and participate.”
4. Finally, a quote from Robert Greene which I hope will encourage you to stick your neck out a little bit this coming week! “You must always be prepared to place a bet on yourself, on your future, by heading in a direction that others seem to fear.”